The complete idiot's guide to coping with difficult people:
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New York
Alpha, a member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.
[2007]
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| Subjects: | |
| Online Access: | Inhaltsverzeichnis |
| Physical Description: | xv, 311 pages Illustrationen 24 cm |
| ISBN: | 9781592575787 |
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| 100 | 1 | |a Uhl, Arlene Matthews |e Verfasser |0 (DE-588)1104380846 |4 aut | |
| 245 | 1 | 0 | |a The complete idiot's guide to coping with difficult people |c by Arlene Matthews Uhl |
| 246 | 1 | 3 | |a Coping with difficult people |
| 264 | 1 | |a New York |b Alpha, a member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc. |c [2007] | |
| 300 | |a xv, 311 pages |b Illustrationen |c 24 cm | ||
| 336 | |b txt |2 rdacontent | ||
| 337 | |b n |2 rdamedia | ||
| 338 | |b nc |2 rdacarrier | ||
| 650 | 4 | |a Interpersonal conflict | |
| 650 | 7 | |a Interpersonal conflict |2 fast | |
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| 999 | |a oai:aleph.bib-bvb.de:BVB01-028960487 | ||
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| _version_ | 1804176204678299648 |
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| adam_text | Contents at a Glance
Parti: The ABCs of “DPs
1 They’re Everywhere—Or So It Seems!
Humans are social animals, and our modem world connects us
to one another more than ever. But difficult interactions can
create frustration and stress—so we need to temper our ani-
mal instincts with emotional intelligence.
2 Identifying a Difficult Person
Difficult people can be broken down into four main types. Find
out how to objectively identify who s who—without stereo-
typing or jumping to conclusions.
3 Basic Self-Protective Strategies
No matter whom you re dealing basic skills such as
listening carefully, reacting thoughtfully, and keeping your
humor handy will always serve you well.
Part h The Self-Absorbed
4 It’s All About Me
Some people think and act as if the world revolves around
them. Learning what shapes the narcissistic personality will
help you get a handle on how to deal with self-absorbed people.
5 Coping with the Self-Centered at Work
They take credit, lay blame, dodge the hard jobs, and monopo-
lize your time. Learning to cope with narcissistic co-workers,
bosses, and subordinates will help you defend against their
needy, greedy ways.
6 Relating to the Self-Absorbed in Relationships
Narcissists can be charming, even seductive. It s easy to find
yourself in a relationship with one—but not so easy maintain-
ing that relationship. Here s some guidance for the
hurdles involved.
7 What to Do About Public Narcissists
They hog the road, make a mess, yell into cell phones, violate
everyone s personal space, and in general act as if they aren t
sharing the planet with anyone else. Here s help for coping
with the self-centered, wherever you may find them.
VI
The Complete Idiot s Guide to (oping with Difficult People
Parti: The Controllers
8 All About Control Freaks
Some are flagrantly demanding and intimidating, some are
sneaky and seemingly agreeable—but all controllers want to
run the show. Learn what makes certain people crave power,
and the many ways they might try to get it and keep it.
9 Coping with Controllers at Work
The workplace is one place where controllers really love to be
in charge—even if that s not their actual role. Discover their
varied methods—some upfront and some covert—and learn
to regain control on the job.
10 Controlling Yourself with Relationship Controllers
They may not always be right, but they re never mistaken—or
so they believe. If you have a controlling mate, parent, sibling,
or friend, this one s for you.
11 Responding to Controllers-at-Large
There always seems to be someone around who wants to tell
you what to do. Learn how to handle “self-appointed royalty
in all walks of life.
Part 4: The Obstructionists
12 All About Obstructionists
Here s what you need to get around people who are perenni-
ally getting in your way: pessimists, perfectionists, the slow, the
late, the ponderous, arid the generally problem-prone.
13 Getting Past Obstructionists at Work
Working with an obstructionist can be a career-killer, but only
if you let it. Discover how to circumnavigate naysayers, nit-
pickers, do-nothings, and others who stand in your way.
14 Handling Relationship Obstructionists
Are you in a relationship with someone who brings you down
or slows you down?Constantly consumed with a friend or
loved one s problems? Here is advice for those “hares wanting
to better cope with their “tortoises. ”
15 Surviving Social Obstructionists
Whatever you want to do, there s always someone who will tell
you why it can t be done. Here s advice on dealing with social
paranoids, the overly politically correct, and—of course-
bureaucrats who earn their living affixing red tape and gum-
ming up the works.
91
93
105
117
131
141
143
155
165
177
Contents at a Glance vii
Part 5: The Truly Toxic 189
16 Crossing the Line 191
Difficult is one thing, dangerous quite another. Here are
the signs that you may be in the company of a truly toxic
individual—and need to keep from being victimized.
17 Responding to the Ruthless at Work 201
Lots of people are harried and hassled at but only some
are harassed or systematically exploited. If your
boss, or upper management are toxic, you’ll need to know how
to protect yourself, or how to develop a clever exit strategy.
18 Defending Yourself in Abusive Relationships 215
Sometimes, sadly, even the most intimate relationships can
turn toxic. Here’s counsel for those who must cope with danger
from those they both love and fear.
19 Reacting to Dangerous Strangers 227
If your gut tells you someone seems too good to be true, listen
to it. Here’s how to steer clear of menacing strangers—
including con artists, pick-up artists, Internet and telephone
scammers, the lawsuit-happy, and anyone who would coax
information from you only to undermine you.
Part 6: Advanced Attitude Adjustments 239
20 Dealing with Combination Types 241
Many difficult people are mix-and-match types. Don’t be
thrown for a loop—here’s how to cope with combos.
21 When Nice People Have Difficult Days 253
Even the nicest, most sincere people can throw you for a loop now
and again. Don’t personalize it—just deal with it. Here’s how.
22 Learning from Difficult People 263
Did you ever wonder if certain trying people were put in your
path for a reason? It may be so. Here are some lessons we can
all learn from our dealings with challenging people.
23 Don’t Be Difficult 275
Let’s be honest: we all have days when we’re not the easiest
people in the world to get along with. Here are some final
thoughts on how we can practice being less difficult ourselves.
Appendixes
A Glossary 287
B Further Reading 293
C Web Resources for Coping Assistance 297
Index 301
Contents
Parti: Thr AMs of DPs I
1 They re tverywhere-Or So It Seems! 3
No Man—or Woman—Is an Island...................................4
Cooperation and Competition..................................4
Striking a Delicate Balance..................................5
Tribal Life to Modern Civilization..............................6
Busy, Busy: 24/7 Interactions...................................7
Why “Flight or Fight” Won’t Work...............................8
The Avoidance Option.........................................9
The Aggression Option.......................................10
Emotional Intelligence: The Tools of Coping....................11
2 Identifying a Difficult Person 13
Characteristics of Difficult People............................14
How Difficult People Make Us Feel..............................14
The Four Major Categories of Difficult People..................16
The Self-Absorbed...........................................16
The Controllers.............................................17
The Obstructionists.........................................18
The Truly Toxic.............................................19
Difficult or “Personality Disordered”?.........................19
Is It All in Your Mind?........................................21
Difficult or Different ?....................................21
Bad Reputations.............................................22
Recreating the Past in the Present..........................22
Loaded Relationships........................................23
About Self-Fulfilling Prophecies...............................24
3 Basic Self-Protective Strategies 27
Listen Carefully...............................................28
The Art of Active Listening.................................28
Echoing.....................................................29
Mirroring...................................................*0
React Slowly...................................................31
X The Complete Idiot s Guide to (oping with Difficult People
See the Big Picture........................................
Choose Your Moment.........................................
Respect Yourself............................................ 33
Say No to People Pleasing..................................34
Set Limits.................................................
Keep Your Humor Handy .......................................36
Know When to Fight Fire with Fire............................37
Know What You Can and Can’t Control..........................37
Part 2: The Self-Absorbed 39
G It s All About Me M
I’m So Special............................................. 42
The Roots of Me-ness.........................................43
Cultural Causes of Narcissism..............................
Greed and Grandiosity........................................45
Need and Exploitation......................................46
Bad Boundaries...............................................47
Getting Ready to Cope with the Self-Absorbed.................49
Know Yourself Control Yourself............................ 49
Conduct Reality Checks.....................................49
Know When Enough Is Enough.................................50
Don’t Interpret............................................50
Don’t Think You’re an Exception............................50
Look for Reciprocity.......................................51
5 Coping with the Self-Centered at Work S3
Spotting the Self-Centered...................................54
Dealing with Grandstanders...................................55
Who Gets Credit?...........................................55
Who Gets Blame?............................................$6
Shirking the Grunt Work....................................57
Setting Limits with Self-Absorbed Talkers....................58
Look Out for Space Invaders...............................55»
Setting Boundaries in Meetings.............................SO
The Needy, Greedy Boss..................................... 61
“Just Make Me Look Good”...................................si
Cell Phone Stalkers and E-mail Egomaniacs..................S2
When a Narcissist Works for You..............................63
Contents xi
( Relating to the Self-Absorbed in Relationships 65
The Me-Me Lover...........................................66
Seduced or Smothered?.................................
Head Over Heels: Merger Madness........................68
Commitment: “ There s No One for Me hut ...Me”........69
The Self-Involved Spouse..................................70
Married, but Not a Couple..............................10
Getting Your Spouse to Notice You......................71
The Narcissistic Parent...................................72
The Merged Mother......................................72
The Distant or Demanding Dad...........................73
Grown Up, but Still Their “Baby”......................Id-
Separating from the Narcissistic Parent................75
The Self-Absorbed Sibling.................................76
The Needy, Greedy Friend..................................77
7 What to Do About Public Narcissists 79
Narcissists: A Public Pain................................80
Picking Your Battles......................................80
The Rules of Direct Confrontation......................80
The Choice to Let Go...................................81
Road Narcissists..........................................82
Defensive Driving—Without Road Rage....................82
One Car, Two Parking Spaces............................84
Messy Narcissists.........................................85
Don’t Go “Environ-mental ”............................86
Dealing with Inconsiderate Smokers.....................86
The Self-Centered Cell Phoners............................87
The Narcissistic Neighbor.................................88
The Narcissist in Group and Committee Settings............89
Part 3: The Controllers 91
8 All About Control Freaks 93
What Creates Controllers?.................................94
Early Power Struggles..................................94
Countering Chaos......................................
What Controllers Really Fear..............................95
Four Controlling Styles...................................96
xii The Complete Idiot s Guide to (oping with Difficult People
The Volatile Controller...................
The “Smarter-Than-You” Controller.
The Deceptive Controller..................
The Passive-Aggressive Controller.........
Getting Ready to Cope with Controllers
Consider Why You Comply...................
Believe in Your Abilities.................
Don t Be a Blabbermouth...................
Control Is an Illusion—Be an
Use Last Resorts Last.....................
,96
,97
,98
,99
100
100
101
101
102
102
9 (oping with Controllers at Work 105
Controllers’ Work Agendas...................................106
Material Gain.............................................106
Risk Aversion.............................................107
Self-Preservation.........................................107
Personal Power............................................108
Watch Out, They’re Gonna Blow................................108
Wise Guys....................................................110
Sneaks and Snipers and Liars—Oh My!..........................112
The Yes-You-Along Game.......................................113
Coping with the Controlling Customer.........................115
10 (ontrollinq Yourself with Relationship Controllers 117
Rewriting Control Scenarios .................................118
Contending with the Controlling Mate.........................119
The Cheapskate Partner.....................................H9
The Neat-Freak Partner....................................121
The Drill-Sergeant Parmer.................................122
The Passive-Aggressive Partner............................123
The Puppeteer Parent.........................................124
Father (or Mother) Knows Best.............................125
Whafs the Martyr with You? .......................225
Divide and Conquer........................................227
Dealing with Controlling Friends.............................128
11 Responding to (ontrollers-at-Large ])]
The Self-Appointed and Self-Anointed.........................132
School Daze..............
Contents xiii
Controlling Teachers.......................................134
Principal Principles.......................................135
Controlling Coaches...........................................136
Controllers in Committee......................................138
Professionals as Controllers..................................139
Part 4: The Obstructionists
12 All About Obstructionists
The Pessimist.................................
The Perfectionist.............................
The Chronically Undecided.....................
The Terminally Tortoiselike...................
The “Woe Is Me” Whiner........................
Coping with Obstructionists...................
13 Getting Past Obstructionists at Work
Naysayers and Idea Slayers....................
That Won’t Work!............................
Getting Past the Big “No ”..................
Picky, Picky—Very Tricky......................
Wishy-Washy Every-Which-Wayers................
Stuck in Slow Motion..........................
It’s My Crisis and I’ll Cry If I Want To......
14 Handling Relationship Obstructionists
The Negative Partner..........................
The Grass-Is-GreenerOutlook.
The Stick-in-the-Mud Spouse.................
The “Poor Me” Partner.......................
Problem-Prone Parents and Siblings............
No-Show Relations.............................
When Friends Drag You Down....................
15 Surviving Social Obstructionists
Social Scarers: “Watch Out, Don’t Do That”
Paranoid Pundits............................
Legal Eagles................................
Fairness Fanatics: Idealistic or Impractical?...
141
143
144
145
147
148
150
152
155
156
156
157
158
159
161
162
165
166
166
168
170
171
173
174
177
178
178
179
181
xiv The Complete Idiot s Guide to (oping with Difficult People
Dealing with Bureaucrats.....................................182
How to Charm a Bureauwat......182
Getting Service from Customer Service......................184
Sidewalk Slackers............................................*86
Part 5: The Truly Toxic M
16 Crossing the Line 191
Signs of Toxicity............................-..............192
Harmful Reactions to Poisonous People........................193
Psychological Symptoms.....................................195
Physical Symptoms..........................................19#
Don’t Ignore Your Instincts..................................195
What Makes Toxic People Toxic?...............................196
The Self-Esteem Drought....................................196
Envious Rage...............................................196
Is There Any Excuse?.........................................197
One Man’s Pal, Another Man’s Poison?.........................198
Getting Ready to Protect Yourself from the Toxic.............199
17 Responding to the Ruthless at Work 201
Abusers at Work..............................................202
Invalidators and Troublemakers ..............................202
The Constant Critic........................................202
The Instigator.............................................204
The Opportunist............................................205
Toxic at the Top.............................................206
Big Bully Bosses...........................................207
Sexual Power Players.......................................207
Do-It-Yourself Protection from Toxic Bosses..................208
Enlisting Help.............................................209
Toxic Subordinates...........................................210
Toxic Organizations..........................................211
If You Have to Quit...................................... 211
18 Defending Yourself in Abusive Relationships 21S
The Toxic Partner............................................216
Finding a Victim...........................................2/6
Keeping the Victim Victimized..............................2/7
Emotional Abusers............................................218
Contents xv
Borderline Partners.......................................219
Physical Abusers..........................................220
Can Toxic Partners Change?................................221
Toxic Mothers and Fathers.................................222
Should Toxic Parents Be Confronted?.......................223
The Toxic Sibling.........................................224
When a Friendship Turns Toxic.............................226
19 Reacting to Dangerous Strangers 22?
The Con Artist............................................228
The Pick-Up Artist........................................230
The Online Menace.........................................231
The Telephone Menace......................................233
So Sue Me: The Litigious Personality.....................233
Can Society Undo Sociopathy?..............................235
Part 6: Advanced Attitude Adjustments 239
20 Dealing with Combination Types 2bl
Common Combos.............................................242
The Controlling Narcissist.........................242
The Self-Absorbed Obstructionist........................243
The Toxically Envious Obstructionist....................243
The Swinger.............................................244
The Combo Layer Cake: Intent vs. Content..................244
Offering Validation.......................................245
Encouraging or Discouraging Behaviors.....................246
Reading Body Language.....................................247
Hands...................................................24#
Palms...................................................24#
Arms....................................................24#
Eyes and Eyebrows..................................249
Legs and Feet...........................................249
Speaking Body Language..................................250
21 When Nic* People Hav« Difficult Days 2B
Who Are You and What Have You Done with So-and-So? ....254
Mood and Attitude.......................................255
Extenuating Circumstances...............................255
Some Stabilizing Strategies...............................256
Avoiding the E-mail Trap.....................................
Making Up and Moving On.......................................260
Returning to the Happiness Set-Point..........................260
22 Learning from Difficult People 26}
Difficult People as Teachers .................................264
Learning and Practicing Self-Control..........................265
Patience...................................................266
Tolerance..................................................266
Self-Respect...............................................267
Learning and Practicing Compassion............................267
From Conflict to Cooperation..................................268
Non-Aggressive Confrontation...............................268
Being Open to Criticism....................................269
Learning About Leadership.....................................270
Forgiveness and Self-Healing..................................271
23 Don t Be Difficult 275
Winning Ways: The Art of Likeability..........................276
Connectiveness.............................................276
Optimism...................................................277
Genuineness................................................277
Calm.......................................................278
Self-Care and Self-Calming....................................279
Move It....................................................279
Play Every Day.............................................280
Be Still...................................................280
Sleep on It................................................281
Eat Smart..................................................282
Keeping Things in Perspective.................................282
Attracting Wonderful People................................283
Appendixes
Glossary 287
Further Reading 293
Web Resources for Coping Assistance 297
Index 30]
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| spelling | Uhl, Arlene Matthews Verfasser (DE-588)1104380846 aut The complete idiot's guide to coping with difficult people by Arlene Matthews Uhl Coping with difficult people New York Alpha, a member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc. [2007] xv, 311 pages Illustrationen 24 cm txt rdacontent n rdamedia nc rdacarrier Interpersonal conflict Interpersonal conflict fast Digitalisierung UB Bamberg - ADAM Catalogue Enrichment application/pdf http://bvbr.bib-bvb.de:8991/F?func=service&doc_library=BVB01&local_base=BVB01&doc_number=028960487&sequence=000002&line_number=0001&func_code=DB_RECORDS&service_type=MEDIA Inhaltsverzeichnis |
| spellingShingle | Uhl, Arlene Matthews The complete idiot's guide to coping with difficult people Interpersonal conflict Interpersonal conflict fast |
| title | The complete idiot's guide to coping with difficult people |
| title_alt | Coping with difficult people |
| title_auth | The complete idiot's guide to coping with difficult people |
| title_exact_search | The complete idiot's guide to coping with difficult people |
| title_full | The complete idiot's guide to coping with difficult people by Arlene Matthews Uhl |
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| title_short | The complete idiot's guide to coping with difficult people |
| title_sort | the complete idiot s guide to coping with difficult people |
| topic | Interpersonal conflict Interpersonal conflict fast |
| topic_facet | Interpersonal conflict |
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